Approach anxiety: the enemy of all free men and the enemy of the game. All men have it, but few conquer and tame it. Approach anxiety is a fear, a phobia, something that cannot be eliminated, but with proper handling and some tweaking of your mindset, can be controlled.
There are dumb remedies and stupid philosophies to deal with approach anxiety. Self Hypnosis? Positive thinking? thousands and months of cold approaches? Count to five and play question games in your mind? Psychotherapy? Voodoo magic ? Come on... There are no quick solutions nor is there any one proven technique to handle this enemy of mankind. It is tough to acknowledge but there is actually only one way to conquer approach anxiety. That is to change your frame of thinking and mindset.
Forget everything you ever heard and read. They're all complicated rubbish. Below are the only things you need to know to handle approach anxiety.
1) Approach anxiety is an illusion created by you.
Beautiful women don't make you anxious, you make yourself nervous. Women do not by themselves produce some gamma ray that makes you feel sick, dizzy, stressed, and dumbstruck. Your inner collection of phobias and fears generates a negative social frame in your mind that when summed up, makes you jello at the thought of approaching an attractive woman.
2) The amount of anxiety you experience doing anything in life is determined by your perception of your skill and the challenge of the activity.
Mihayli Csikszentmihalyi created the term Flow to describe his scientific investigation of "being in state" or "being in the zone." Being in Flow, state, or the zone just simply is having the perceived level of skill in a task equal to the perceived level of difficulty. When you get this difficulty / skill balance, you experience flow / state, whereas an imbalance in challenge and ability results in a different experience. You get bored when skill exceeds difficulty. You get anxiety when difficulty exceeds skill.
3) To overcome your approach anxiety, you need to change your perception of your skill or your perception of the challenge.
You would be in Flow every time you approached a woman if your perceived skill level matched your perceived challenge level for seducing a woman. If you're experiencing approach anxiety, it is since your perceived challenge level is higher than your perceived ability. So it stands to reason that if you wish to overcome approach anxiety, you need to change either the perceived difficulty level or your perceived skill level.
4) Attempting to change your ability level to conquer approach anxiety is a flawed solution.
You would think that the easiest part to change in this equation is your perceived skill level. You go out and try to improve your ability level by practicing techniques and methods on girl after girl. This is a flawed method to overcome approach anxiety because if you depend on other people's responses to alter your perception of your present skill level then it might work one time, two times, or even a few times, but what exactly happens when it does not? What happens when some girl doesn't wish to talk with you? Then you're right back at square one again- enormous approach anxiety because you perceive your ability to be less than the perceived challenge level.
5) To overcome approach anxiety, you need to change the perceived challenge.
The challenge level you face in any activity is determined by the purpose you have for the interaction. If you're experiencing anxiety then it's clear you're trying to do something that is out of your perceived skill range - like trying to make her attracted to you.
If you change your purpose to something attainable, then the perceived challenge will drop and so will the anxiety. If you change your purpose to: "just have an enjoyable conversation," then the perceived challenge will be well within your perceived ability .
That's all!
All you need to do is change the frame of your mindset from the super demanding "I'm gonna make her attracted to me" to the harmless "I'm just gonna have a friendly chat with her." This puts no expectation on yourself and therefore no fear of rejection since you're not expecting anything from yourself or the Hot girl.
If you do not conquer approach anxiety, you'll never overcome the opening phase. Without the opening, you can't reach the next phase of seduction or the end, right? But once again, you can read about theory and how-to's all day till Sunday but absolutely nothing will happen if you don't go out, apply, and practice! So get out there and have lots of friendly, enjoyable conversations with beautiful women...
There are dumb remedies and stupid philosophies to deal with approach anxiety. Self Hypnosis? Positive thinking? thousands and months of cold approaches? Count to five and play question games in your mind? Psychotherapy? Voodoo magic ? Come on... There are no quick solutions nor is there any one proven technique to handle this enemy of mankind. It is tough to acknowledge but there is actually only one way to conquer approach anxiety. That is to change your frame of thinking and mindset.
Forget everything you ever heard and read. They're all complicated rubbish. Below are the only things you need to know to handle approach anxiety.
1) Approach anxiety is an illusion created by you.
Beautiful women don't make you anxious, you make yourself nervous. Women do not by themselves produce some gamma ray that makes you feel sick, dizzy, stressed, and dumbstruck. Your inner collection of phobias and fears generates a negative social frame in your mind that when summed up, makes you jello at the thought of approaching an attractive woman.
2) The amount of anxiety you experience doing anything in life is determined by your perception of your skill and the challenge of the activity.
Mihayli Csikszentmihalyi created the term Flow to describe his scientific investigation of "being in state" or "being in the zone." Being in Flow, state, or the zone just simply is having the perceived level of skill in a task equal to the perceived level of difficulty. When you get this difficulty / skill balance, you experience flow / state, whereas an imbalance in challenge and ability results in a different experience. You get bored when skill exceeds difficulty. You get anxiety when difficulty exceeds skill.
3) To overcome your approach anxiety, you need to change your perception of your skill or your perception of the challenge.
You would be in Flow every time you approached a woman if your perceived skill level matched your perceived challenge level for seducing a woman. If you're experiencing approach anxiety, it is since your perceived challenge level is higher than your perceived ability. So it stands to reason that if you wish to overcome approach anxiety, you need to change either the perceived difficulty level or your perceived skill level.
4) Attempting to change your ability level to conquer approach anxiety is a flawed solution.
You would think that the easiest part to change in this equation is your perceived skill level. You go out and try to improve your ability level by practicing techniques and methods on girl after girl. This is a flawed method to overcome approach anxiety because if you depend on other people's responses to alter your perception of your present skill level then it might work one time, two times, or even a few times, but what exactly happens when it does not? What happens when some girl doesn't wish to talk with you? Then you're right back at square one again- enormous approach anxiety because you perceive your ability to be less than the perceived challenge level.
5) To overcome approach anxiety, you need to change the perceived challenge.
The challenge level you face in any activity is determined by the purpose you have for the interaction. If you're experiencing anxiety then it's clear you're trying to do something that is out of your perceived skill range - like trying to make her attracted to you.
If you change your purpose to something attainable, then the perceived challenge will drop and so will the anxiety. If you change your purpose to: "just have an enjoyable conversation," then the perceived challenge will be well within your perceived ability .
That's all!
All you need to do is change the frame of your mindset from the super demanding "I'm gonna make her attracted to me" to the harmless "I'm just gonna have a friendly chat with her." This puts no expectation on yourself and therefore no fear of rejection since you're not expecting anything from yourself or the Hot girl.
If you do not conquer approach anxiety, you'll never overcome the opening phase. Without the opening, you can't reach the next phase of seduction or the end, right? But once again, you can read about theory and how-to's all day till Sunday but absolutely nothing will happen if you don't go out, apply, and practice! So get out there and have lots of friendly, enjoyable conversations with beautiful women...
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