We are often shown how to communicate with people in an office or how to get children to behave properly. What is not always taught is how to be in a relationship. It is not an easy thing to discuss with family and friends. It is worth learning how to develop effective communication skills for couples.
The first aspect is knowing that people are different. The way in which one person communicates will be different from another. This can often lead to misunderstanding. It is not necessarily a case of a man misunderstanding a woman it can also be as a result of a clash of personalities.
The problem comes when two people have different styles of communication. For example what one half of the couple thinks is fun and playful banter the other person sees as harmful name calling. The danger is that this is never expressed so the other one is not aware that their behavior is destructive.
Where this becomes a problem is when one person from a verbose family that encourages debate meets someone who is not used to this. It can mean that what one person sees as amusing and playful banter may be perceived as name calling and mockery. If this is not addressed early on then resentments may accidentally develop.
You also need to avoid pinning blame on the partner. While they may indeed antagonize you and you may have valid points you also need to recognize other people can have an opinion on you as well. Do not solely look at how your partner can change. The chances are there are things you can do to improve the situation as well. Obviously there are exceptions. Nobody should have to put up with an abusive relationship.
However this is an extreme circumstance. A lot of the time it is more about finding a common solution. This should not be confused with compromise which often results in neither half of a couple getting what they want. Finding common goals and solutions is better in the long term and this is something you should always strive for.
It is also important to remember that people are not born with perfect communication skills. Even people who think they are good listeners can become disillusioned if they are constantly expected to listen to problems without being able to unload themselves. The problem is that the people doing the unloading may not always realize this.
There are a number of experts and courses that can help you learn effective communication skills for couples. However while they can help guide you ultimately it requires effort from both halves of the partnership. With commitment you can improve and make it easier to develop your ability to communicate with each other.
The first aspect is knowing that people are different. The way in which one person communicates will be different from another. This can often lead to misunderstanding. It is not necessarily a case of a man misunderstanding a woman it can also be as a result of a clash of personalities.
The problem comes when two people have different styles of communication. For example what one half of the couple thinks is fun and playful banter the other person sees as harmful name calling. The danger is that this is never expressed so the other one is not aware that their behavior is destructive.
Where this becomes a problem is when one person from a verbose family that encourages debate meets someone who is not used to this. It can mean that what one person sees as amusing and playful banter may be perceived as name calling and mockery. If this is not addressed early on then resentments may accidentally develop.
You also need to avoid pinning blame on the partner. While they may indeed antagonize you and you may have valid points you also need to recognize other people can have an opinion on you as well. Do not solely look at how your partner can change. The chances are there are things you can do to improve the situation as well. Obviously there are exceptions. Nobody should have to put up with an abusive relationship.
However this is an extreme circumstance. A lot of the time it is more about finding a common solution. This should not be confused with compromise which often results in neither half of a couple getting what they want. Finding common goals and solutions is better in the long term and this is something you should always strive for.
It is also important to remember that people are not born with perfect communication skills. Even people who think they are good listeners can become disillusioned if they are constantly expected to listen to problems without being able to unload themselves. The problem is that the people doing the unloading may not always realize this.
There are a number of experts and courses that can help you learn effective communication skills for couples. However while they can help guide you ultimately it requires effort from both halves of the partnership. With commitment you can improve and make it easier to develop your ability to communicate with each other.
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