This is the most exciting part of online dating (as after this, hopefully you'll be meeting in person). How you make first contact or reply to someone else approaching you can make or break your chances. Each contact needs as much thought as the rest of your profile, and needs to continue and enhance your branding.
Here are some general tips on how to make the first contact.
1. Be prepared to make the first move. A lot of women don't feel comfortable making the first move, even though they have signed up for online dating. However, don't be scared off if a girl contacts you. Accept her however she is, and let her approach or response teach you about her, and how she may want you to respond to her.
2. Hustle (as they say in the online world). After going through all this, you need to continue to be proactive. Aim to send a certain number of messages per week. This will get you noticed by other users, and for some sites will register you on their algorithms and put you higher in their search rankings. But make sure you don't contact too many people in one day - what if they all want a date that week?
3. Make each message unique. It should be tailored specifically to the person you are sending it to. It is pretty obvious if it is generic, and once again is just insulting. Even if you are sending out a few messages a day, you should always be interested in each individual person for some reason, so focus on that.
4. Maintain your grammar and spelling! It will set off alarm bells if your profile looks great, but then your message is full of errors. It will suggest that your profile is fake.
5. Try strong, positive, emotional words. The study by Rosen et al. (2008) found that messages with strong emotional words such as 'excited' and 'wonderful' had more positive impressions than those with weaker emotional words such as 'happy' and 'fine'. Just don't go over the top.
If you are not sure about your messages try wording your messages differently and see which gives you a better response. Keep track of the types of messages that get the best response, and see if you can improve on those.
Keep in mind that you won't always get a response. Don't take this personally; you don't know what is happening in their life, what bad experiences they are going through online, or what they are really looking for. It would be great if everyone responded, but it doesn't happen. I have to admit that I started off responding to everyone because I thought it was only polite. However, I then got a number of people trying to argue back why I should go out with them or being rude because I said I wasn't interested. So now I just don't respond. Don't let it eat your confidence - there are a lot of women out there who aren't right for you. The whole reason we're doing this is to find a gem who is.
Here are some general tips on how to make the first contact.
1. Be prepared to make the first move. A lot of women don't feel comfortable making the first move, even though they have signed up for online dating. However, don't be scared off if a girl contacts you. Accept her however she is, and let her approach or response teach you about her, and how she may want you to respond to her.
2. Hustle (as they say in the online world). After going through all this, you need to continue to be proactive. Aim to send a certain number of messages per week. This will get you noticed by other users, and for some sites will register you on their algorithms and put you higher in their search rankings. But make sure you don't contact too many people in one day - what if they all want a date that week?
3. Make each message unique. It should be tailored specifically to the person you are sending it to. It is pretty obvious if it is generic, and once again is just insulting. Even if you are sending out a few messages a day, you should always be interested in each individual person for some reason, so focus on that.
4. Maintain your grammar and spelling! It will set off alarm bells if your profile looks great, but then your message is full of errors. It will suggest that your profile is fake.
5. Try strong, positive, emotional words. The study by Rosen et al. (2008) found that messages with strong emotional words such as 'excited' and 'wonderful' had more positive impressions than those with weaker emotional words such as 'happy' and 'fine'. Just don't go over the top.
If you are not sure about your messages try wording your messages differently and see which gives you a better response. Keep track of the types of messages that get the best response, and see if you can improve on those.
Keep in mind that you won't always get a response. Don't take this personally; you don't know what is happening in their life, what bad experiences they are going through online, or what they are really looking for. It would be great if everyone responded, but it doesn't happen. I have to admit that I started off responding to everyone because I thought it was only polite. However, I then got a number of people trying to argue back why I should go out with them or being rude because I said I wasn't interested. So now I just don't respond. Don't let it eat your confidence - there are a lot of women out there who aren't right for you. The whole reason we're doing this is to find a gem who is.
About the Author:
If you enjoyed this, why not check out Buffy Greentree's other books and projects at The Buffy Group
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